[mood| awake]
[music|LOVEHOLIC - sky]





LOL I SIGN IN TO POST FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER AND I FOUND A SAVED DRAFT :X  buuuut it shall never see the proper light of dayayaya~~

anyways.  a gift!  sort of.  maybe. (not really).

lolz.

okay so a proper warning then!  it's like three thirty in the morning and i'm totally out of whack, but we just reformatted my computer and i'm so grateful for the lack of thirty IE pop-ups that i'm going to stay awake and surf my beloved internet as best as i can before my lessons tomorrow.

///// okay so now it is "tomorrow" but whatevs

my psats are this wednesday eurgh.  and then all region and all state are this week and next week.
// okay, so 'now' is about three weeks from above, but you can't say i didn't try.

[mood| nerdy]
[music|no surprises - radiohead]

oh, bleach! i leave you for a month and you go and bring kaien back, goddamn you for sticking that carrot in front of my face.

okay, and my confession to make is that i have been watching tenimyus. and by tenimyus i mean yes, prince of tennis musicals. and the live action movie. it's like...cosplayers singing and dancing while waving around tennis rackets and the backstages are so filled with awesome that i can forget that i should probably feel ashamed of myself. but the cast! so cute. zukki and shirota and aiba and adachi and koji and 3rd gen doori!

cough. i could claim temporary insanity, but it seems to be ongoing.

bleach breaks my heart :(

i have been writing though, but most of it's orig fic and pretty bad, mostly cause i usually write at around one in the morning before i go to sleep so it's all around fifteen lines long.  someday i'll put some of it up here, i suppose.  maybe.

have i mentioned that bleach is killing me?  in a totally good way, of course.  not that there really is a good way, but in the best way possible of dying a not-death-but-manga-inducing-death-of-goodness.  whatever that may be.

[mood| relaxed]
[music|maaya sakamoto - heavenly blue]

so, uh, i used to make happy posts about what was good to watch, and i haven't for a while, so let me name a few: ouran high school host club has always, and will always, be greatly loved for me, and both the manga and the anime are worth watching/reading, so long as you don't mind the somewhat cluttered look of the manga.  i don't mind, mostly because i read those things multiple times, and usually eventually read all the little background chatter and inserts.  d. gray man is good also, and i really really don't think i could ever hate rabi.  i don't know much about the anime, and i haven't been keeping up with the manga for a while, but it's on stoptazmo.com.  samurai champloo i have been fond of for a good long time, and am actually at peace with the end.  dogs manga is by miwa shirow, and relatively unknown, sort of.  i think.  but it's terribly fantastic, specially if you like blood and ... mind games, in a way.  and the art is love. 

i would add more, but i've got twenty something pages to read for my AP geo class that i need to attend to.  besides, i think most people already know about these.  maybe not dogs.  i don't know.

oh, and quickly this addition:  FFXII is so totally worth the money.  i'm not sure what makes it so much more addicting than the previous games, but good lord, it is.

[mood| determined]
[music|corrine bailey ray - like a star]

Well, belated merry christmas and early happy new year.


Some mindless pap because I can and I feel like it.  Maybe I'll write some backstory someday, but probably not.

[mood| working]
[music|mika nakashima - venus in the dark]

Foolish me, I thought there would be an auto-saved draft waiting for me today of the piece that I had written yesterday, but didn't finish due to my computer on a mad raging PMS-style mood, but alas, it is not here.  I'm actually disappointed - I really like what was there.  Now I can't do it again.  Well maybe.  We'll see.

will be posting sometime soon after i regain the life that exams will soon suck out of me.  and then i will shop.  mostly because i can, but also because i am Drastically Behind in the shopping for gifts department.  which reminds me why i normally don't do it. 

ookay let's see
monday: study hall and chemistry h exam
tuesday: AP geo and english II exam
wednesday: orchestra and humanities exam
thursday: algebra II and spanish III exam

and then glorious glorious freedom.  and i fully intend to spend some money.  ....and maybe i'll even practice my cello.  who knows.  everything's possible.

what a barbie-esque phrase that i hope i never use again.

[mood| hyper]
[music|sm town - hotmail]

WHY AM I NOT STUDYING JUDAISM, CHRISTIANITY AND ISLAM ;__;

way too much pent-up energy here, and it's two o'clock in the morning and good god i'm going to fail my humanities test tomorrow/today because the freshmen have been cheating and now the test is no longer multiple choice, just fourteen short answer questions that spell out IMPENDING DOOM.

i don't understand the bible, and i don't think i ever will ;__;  or the qu'ran, either, because i think religion is way over my head and that's why i don't get it.  but i do.  sort of. 

religion religion religion religion abraham!  i should stop drinking this lemonade, it's making me antsy and nervous and my hands are really pretty freaking cold right now.

okay!  STUDY. 

...who am i kidding, seriously.

oh!  and maybe i'll post my drawings up here one day.  when i have a scanner.  or maybe just when i take a picture.  but most definitely when i finish, which looks like Nowhere Close to Now.

[mood| exanimate]

these are actually my personal favorites of everything i've written (in no particular order


--------


------------


------------

[mood| awake]
[music|blue october -into the ocean]

whatamidoingwhatamidoingwhatamidoingwhatamidoingwhatamidoingwhatamidoingwhatamidoingwhatthehellamidoingwithmylifewhatamidoingwhatamidoing

i'm not depressed, but i'm confused.  and i think the thing i want to be the most is for me to be proud of myself - really, really proud and happy and not just satisfied with second best, because i used to have plans for myself, and that was when i was twelve and school was a breeze and all a's were a natural fact of life but now i'm fifteen and i'm stupid, stupider, stupidest, and my english teacher doesn't like my writing, and my teachers don't know who i am, and i'm falling so far behind because i've never had to do this thing work before and i thought i got this all out of my system a few weeks ago, but i didn't, and it's still there, and i'm still so confused as to what to do except try, but i've been trying and nobody believes me and i'm not even believing it anymore and the only reason i'm putting this up is because i tried to explain it to my friend once and he didn't understand, not really, and that was more depressing to think that my friends don't get what i'm trying to say, like i'm speaking some other language but i'm really asking for help, and why am i not getting it, because of karma, because i was such a goddamn bitch about things since birth, but now i'm trying to make up for it and i'm burning myself out at school smiling and laughing and it's not fake, and that makes me even more tired

i know this is stupid, because in ten years i won't remember this, but for once i want to stop thinking about that because then it makes this point in my life so so so utterly pointless and good lord, i've always said that i hate it when people complain about their life, but here i am complaining, so i'm a hypocrite and i know it and i'll deal with that some other time when i'm not so unhappy with myself.  

i'm still just a kid, and i'm in no hurry to grow up, but there are some things i really hate about myself some days and don't even think about on others, and for one day i would like to act normal, but i remember reading a quote in the humanities room that said normal people are just the people you haven't gotten to know yet, but it seems to make things worse because if this is normal, i'd hate to be dysfunctional, and i really also want somebody that can understand that i'm not some sort of horrible person that doesn't care about things or people or her friends because i do, i do so much that it hurts me sometimes because whenever they're sad, i don't know what to do and i'm sad, and teenagers are always sad about something, just admit it. 

god i am such a teenager.  angstangst and then you're fine and then you're angsting again because of some weird force of nature that deems it normal for teenagers to be so goddamn stupid. 

[mood| busy]
[music|snow patrol - how to be dead ]

I've been trying to think of something to post for the past few months, but couldn't.  So I figure tonight, after I get back home from Philharmonic practice and finish my Humanities project, I'm gonna give it another go.

I'd say "wait anxiously", but it might not even happen.  The word 'idea' doesn't even relate to me anymore. 

[mood| restless]
[music|Home made - Thank You] 

orig fic, or at least an attempt.  untitled, because it's almost one in the morning and i don't want to.

[mood| full]
[music|orange range - walk on] 

I've been working hard to get this song stuck in my head lately.  Also, I've been rewatching the first season of Digimon, which strikes me as really funny.  I loved that series like my child when I was eight or nine.  It's sort of fun still, if not a little ridiculous.  I think that was the first anime other than Pocket Monsters that I watched.  

Anyways, I really want to write lately, but I can't think of anything, which makes me kind of sad.  So maybe I'll post all the old stuff up, including the ones that I deleted from FF.Net a long time ago - some of them I liked, but just not enough.  I suppose I'll just go through and tweak them all to my satisfaction again.  Maybe somewhere along the line I'll get some ideas back.